Magical Mr. Mistoffelees

Best definition
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
Character of T.S. Eliot’s poem: Mr. Mistoffelees
You ought to know Mr. Mistoffelees!

The Original Conjuring Cat–

(There can be no doubt about that).

Please listen to me and don’t scoff. All his

Inventions are off his own bat.

There’s no such Cat in the metropolis;

He holds all the patent monopolies

For performing suprising illusions

And creating eccentric confusions.

At prestidigitation

And at legerdemain

He’ll defy examination

And deceive you again.

The greatest magicians have something to learn

From Mr. Mistoffelees’ Conjuring Turn.


Away we go!

And we all say: OH!

Well I never!

Was there ever

A Cat so clever

As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

He is quiet and small, he is black

From his ears to the tip of his tail;

He can creep through the tiniest crack,

He can walk on the narrowest rail.

He can pick any card from a pack,

He is equally cunning with dice;

He is always deceiving you into believing

That he’s only hunting for mice.

He can play any trick with a cork

Or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste;

If you look for a knife or a fork

And you think it is merely misplaced–

You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!

But you’ll find it next week lying out on the lawn.

And we all say: OH!

Well I never!

Was there ever

A Cat so clever

As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

His manner is vague and aloof,

You would think there was nobody shyer–

But his voice has been heard on the roof

When he was curled up by the fire.

And he’s sometimes been heard by the fire

When he was about on the roof–

(At least we all heard that somebody purred)

Which is incontestable proof

Of his singular magical powers:

And I have known the family to call

Him in from the garden for hours,

While he was asleep in the hall.

And not long ago this phenomenal Cat

Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!

And we all said: OH!

Well I never!

Did you ever

Know a Cat so clever

As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Magical Mr. Mistoffelees: define #2
Magical Mr. Mistoffelees
n. Yet another name for Mary Jane.
Steve: I’m tired of all these pathetic slang terms for marijuana.

Randy: Okay, then let’s make our own!

Steve: Dude, that’s brilliant! Any ideas?

Randy: Hmmm… How ’bout Magical Mr. Mistoffelees?

Steve: You see, that’s why you’re the smart one!
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